message. Consequently, the speaker is always on the lookout for
cues to validate receipt of the message. Visual cues, which oer
the easiest form of feedback, let the speaker know you are
paying attention. Facial expressions, head nods, and positive
body language are clear ways of expressing interest in your
conversation partner’s words.
Eight-year-old Nicholas came home from school, bounded
into the house, and started telling his dad about his great day at
school. “Dad,” Nick said, “I had a great day at school. We had art
class today, and I painted a cool picture of the mountains. We
played soccer during gym and I scored a goal. And guess what—
they served pizza for lunch!” Nicholas looks at his dad reading
the newspaper and sighs, “Dad, you’re not listening to me!” His
dad looks up and says, “Yes I am, son. You painted a picture of
the mountains, you scored a goal in the soccer game, and you
had pizza for lunch.” Nicholas, unappeased, replies, “No, Dad.
That’s not it. You’re not listening to me with your eyes.”
Even though Nick’s dad clearly heard his son, Nick felt
minimized because he did not have his dad’s full attention. He
wanted more than a download of facts about his day to his dad.
He wanted to see his dad’s response. He wanted to feel
connected. He wanted his dad to be invested in the story. He
wanted validation while he was telling his story.
Listening is more than just hearing. It’s a level of
involvement that goes beyond reciting the contents of the
conversation. Ray Birdwhistle, a pioneer in nonverbal
communication, estimated that in a normal two-person
conversation, verbal components carry less than 35 percent of
the social meaning of the situation, while nonverbal
components account for over 65 percent. It’s critical to